the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
