If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
