you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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