Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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