Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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