He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize