I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
