o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
