last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
