guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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