I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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