We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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