I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize