dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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