There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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