True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
