508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
