yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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