Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
