I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
