I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
