I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
