just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
