i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize