whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
