i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
