dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
