you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
