What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
