Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
