Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
