this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
