he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
