come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize