Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
