Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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