I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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