Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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