I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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