just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
