hotel room ftw
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
