so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
