i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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