you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
