i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
