this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
