walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
is it fun? or sober?
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