someone get that fucking seahorse.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
