I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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