i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
