just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
