sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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