I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
