please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
