garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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