nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
