In America we eat man semen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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