Don't you send me to vm
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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