note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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