Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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