I think I died a long time ago.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize