Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she pinky promised me she was 18
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
