You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
