he thought i was a dude.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize