I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
