dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
