The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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