Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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