My balls are so social today.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
