now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
