You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
