She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize