the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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