Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
