Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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