Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
