You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
