well I can't set my house on fire every night
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You ate ashes out of my bong
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize