I'm really into asian looking animals
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
