Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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