my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
