When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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