I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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