He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize