her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
