sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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