dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Randomize
