break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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