Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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