I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
