so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
