i think my mom watched the whole time
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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