Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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