girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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