i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
