Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
