I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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