It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
