Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
