I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
