Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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