sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize