she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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