I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
