I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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